Bleep My Waiter Says dept - Potty Humor

No seriously, this is just humor relating to the potty, but not anything fowl.

Yesterday a little boy (maybe 8, maybe 10 years old) asks me "Do you know where the bathrooms are?"

One of my strengths - but also faults - is that I'm very specific when it comes to wording. I live with the curse of not always hearing what people really mean, but instead sometimes answering them according to what they literally say.

"Do I know where the bathroom is?" he's asking me? Seriously?

After maybe a second, I replied "Well, that would make me about the dumbest waiter ever if I didn't, now wouldn't it?"

The whole family laughed (thank God). But after that one rolled around in my head a few seconds, I was thinking of what else I could have said, like

"No... Actually, I don't. I've worked here 4 months and they STILL haven't told me." Kinda wish I'd said that actually. Eh. Maybe next time...

Wayyy back when I really was a totally smart-aleck waiter (and sooner or later I'll share here the singular incident that finally curbed me into toning myself down a few notches) one of my favorite "auto-replies" to a similar common guest question went like this:

"Where is your bathroom?"

Dramatic pause, direct eye contact, sly smile... 

"Right next to my bedroom."

Laughter usually ensued, but I found it was always from others at the table, laughing at the expense of the person who'd inquired. So I don't use that one so much these days. But I do remember it fondly.

I'll get back to Part 2 of the other thing I was telling you about soon, God willing. Just wanted to share that.

By the way, Orlando is a Big Time, World Class city people. Expectations are high. You can't just point people in the right direction when they ask about the location of your restrooms here. You want to know what the actual, official, in writing, according to the manual, policy is - when someone asks me where the bathroom is?

The correct answer is

"Follow me. I'll show you."

In this business, it's the personal touches that really matter. And that's one I really like.

Classy, huh?