Some 1-liners, and a pic

Two ladies I waited on were taking this
to their Dad, a BK founder it turned out.
I'm so honored they let me get a pic!

I use a lot of "lines" in my line of work, and occasionally some of the best have come from the very people I wait on.

Perhaps many of us in the waiting tables industry have heard some lame ones from guests.. such as when you bring the check, the host might say (older people say this, I've noticed) "Oh, we won't be staying for the drawing.." as if to say there's no reason to present them a check at the end. Like I said... LAME!

After about the third time I heard this one at age 19 or so, I finally fired back "Need not be present to win" and just placed the check in the funny guy's hand.

As another example, pretty much the worst customer line I've heard is when some redneck wants his red meat cooked extremely rare, and to explain "just how rare" he wants it, he says to me to "Knock his horns off, wipe his ass, and put it on a plate." Not funny, no not even the first time I heard it, much less the hundredth.

Conversely, I ONE TIME had a Cattle Baron guest who wanted his meat cooked extremely rare say to me a great line that I've probably re-told conversationally a hundred times or so since .. He said "I want it so rare (wait for it...) that a good vet could bring it back."

Now that's funny! And original too, which I can deeply appreciate. Just as part of making conversation and entertaining my guests, I re-tell that story at least once a week, when discussing cooking temps with guests. Just like the guy at my present job who looked over our desert tray and commented on the extremely decadent 4-layer chocolate cake that we offer "No. My insurance plan won't cover me if I eat that."

These are lines I can use, and often have occasion to repeat them to my guests, again, mainly just to keep them entertained and to keep the conversation rolling.

Anyways, I heard new good one this week from a customer.

It was a group of 8 (6 guys, 2 ladies) who had just arrived in town for a convention, and were here mostly to drink together their first night in town. I'm a big stickler when it comes to responsible alcohol service btw (read that "Stick-in-the-mud") so sometimes a group like this is not my favorite party to wait on. However, they did eat appetizers (very important to me with drinking tables, and they were walking back to their hotel, so I just wasn't too concerned about them "having too much".) Point being, they were there mainly to drink and let their hair down. They stayed about 4 hours doing just that.

Somewhere into the second hour, I learned a new funny response, that I know I will re-tell. I already have few times in fact.

Pointing at their nearly-empties, I ask these these two gentlemen "A couple more beers guys?"

"Yes" was the quick response.

"And by the way," he adds "...if we ever do say no, it's just because we didn't understand the question."

Haha. Good one. I like that, and will use it again.

More funnies coming up in Part 2, but I'm going in at Noon for a lunch shift right now.

Time to make the doughnuts.