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This is partly because I began this most recent portion of the series with an example of my emotional reaction to a situation that happened while dining out with friends 15 years ago. I also know that I'm addressing experiences you yourself may have had in the past, as a diner who was not "told" (I mean verbally) that gratuity was included in your bill.
Additionally, I am well aware that I'm not telling you just my story anymore, but also the story of many other American waiters and waitresses. Not going out of our way to bring attention to an auto-grat is no doubt part of our collective history.
The times they a'changing however. My industry evolves over the years, as does what guests know and expect. I too have matured, and have been afforded years to try out many different angles while observing guests' reactions, and the net effect on my income that different approaches to various situations have. Of course there are no one-size-fits-all "magic bullets" to fire in given situations because all guests are different and the scenarios are always somewhat unique. Still, certain patterns become observable to us servers over time, and the more experience a waiter has, the more we tend to develop certain default actions and even "lines" to help assure professional behavior on our part, overall guest satisfaction (delight, even) on your part, and a steady, reliable income to us overall.
I might even say that the age of servers occasionally getting double-gratted has arguably come and gone. One does not have to be a sophisticated diner these days to know that auto-grats are quite common, and to be watching for them. In fact it's probably appropriate to say that many diners are somewhat on the defensive about this today - about the possibility of getting "taken" by what they feel could be a dishonest server - which I find completely understandable as well.
Heck, I know I am. That's part of why I always read the details of my check.
I also know that whether I'm waiting on 2 people or 20, one of the keys to me earning a great tip lies in distinguishing myself from the other 500 people who may have waited on you in your lifetime. There are many, many ways in which I try to do just this, as providing you with a unique and exceptional experience unlike any other time you've eaten out equals much more money in my bank account. At least it's supposed to anyways, but alas, you are the final arbiter of the bottom line, not I.
So in talking this over with many co-workers in recent years, and myself being in the position of laying down a large party's check routinely, I'm starting to default more and more to verbally disclosing to some guests when an auto-gratuity has been included. The trick for me lies partly in determining what type of guest you are, and whether or not doing so could be to my advantage, or not.
Read on to see if you qualify.
Last week I had the pleasure of waiting on a party of eleven in town from Chicago for an NFL game. The adults included (I'm guessing) two siblings in their late twenties or maybe early thirties, their spouses, five young children between them, and finally a more senior couple (i.e., the grandparents). The group had made a reservation (equalling "points" already - you'll see what I mean by that soon), and I of course knew I was going to receive an auto-grat because of size of the party.
Very early on, my fellow waiter "Gorgonzola" informs me that the eldest male (i.e., the grandfather) approached him on the way to the restroom, and asked my co-worker to convey to me that he was to receive the entire check. Moments later, at the table, the wise grandpa made eye contact with me and began to quietly ask me while I was at his end of the table "Hey, did ummm ...."
"Yes he did," I interrupted, nodding, and saying "You got it," thus ending the matter and assuring him that his instructions were understood and would be carried out, with neither he nor I bringing any more attention to the topic in front of everyone else. Obviously, if he had wanted to discuss the check in front of everyone else, he would not have approached Gorgonzola privately, so I did my best to settle the question for him discreetly as well, which I'm pretty sure he appreciated.
This by the way (going off-topic now) is hands-down one of the best ways to pick up a large check, if ever you are so inclined. Far too many waiters including myself are forced to undergo watching grown-up people fight and compete like complete imbeciles right in front of us when a check gets delivered at the end of a meal. As if you're honestly expecting the poor server to make the decision as to who pays, almost always ensuring we're making one person or another angry at us, while you continue to express transparently feigned bravado by taking it out on us as your friend/relative/associate pays the check, just as you really wanted.
So, if you're ever going to "insist" on picking up a check, I'd like to recommend that you either do exactly what this wise grandpa did and discreetly let your server (or another staffer) know your intent as early as possible, or just come out and say so out loud at the beginning of the meal. If a fight must break out over this issue, I'd rather you settle it as I'm walking away to get your drinks, rather than having to stand there at the end of your meal while you work it out.
But having found myself stuck in the middle of this exact situation too many times, my default rule for over 20 years has been "Whoever asks first gets the check." End of argument, and I won't involve myself any farther than that if you try to make me decide. There may be a little wiggle room for debate on a 2-top or other small table, where I might think twice and try to guess who seems more likely to tip well, but when there's an auto-grat involved, no way. I don't have time for ego-stroking or pissing contests amongst grown men. Having such a policy and sticking to it seems to be the only way I can remain professional and neutral in the debate, and not waste a lot of valuable time standing around at tables hearing all sides, or playing moderator to decide who has the better argument ("But they're our guests..." "No, they paid last time..." "Well it's a business expense, I can write it off...") Actually, if you're visiting guests or it's your birthday, I might let the other guys pick up your check, but generally speaking, if you want the check, you'd better be the first to speak up is all I'm saying. If you do so, and then someone else tries to later pick up the check, I'm going to get myself off the hook quick-like by saying simply "Actually, the check already been taken care of."
Like the young woman earlier this week at the bridal party of ten, who approached me privately (also while she'd allegedly excused herself to go to the restroom) and gave me her debit card to hold, to pay the entire bill with. Near the end of the meal, I slipped it to her under the table - literally - and the matter was over and done with, without me ever revealing her identity to the group, which was exactly what she intended. They all objected at first, wanting to pay separately, then of course tried very hard to badger out of me who had paid, but I wouldn't budge, saying only "It's already been taken care of, by an anonymous benefactor." Since the check was auto-gratted, I didn't even try to have her to sign it (just told the manager the situation), yet I was delightfully surprised at how she later made a separate sneak trip to the hostess stand to do so, adding an additional $30 for me.
That kids, is HOW you pick up a check - by being discreet and classy, opposed to obnoxious and showy, or putting us hourly chumps in the position of making such decisions for you. If you are the person making the reservation, you could settle it right then if you desire, and odds are your instructions will be carried out.
Otherwise, speak up first or hand your card to a staffer early on, if you are genuinely insisting on picking up the check for the entire group. But please keep us out of it otherwise.
Hmmm, again I digress... I was talking about reasons I would disclose the auto-grat. Sorry for the mini-lecture.
Anyways, back to the 11-top family. The very fact that grandpa took the time to find a staffer - early on - told me right off that this wasn't his first rodeo, as the old saying goes. He's dined out enough in his life to know how to pick up a check correctly (the points continue to build ...)
Also quite relevant to this story, one of the sons (or sons-in-law, I'm not sure) ordered a $110 bottle of Pinot Noir right off the bat, while we were discussing appetizers. The table did obviously default to him as their group's wine expert, so I didn't initially think much of this at first. Given all that we offer, he made a quite excellent choice of wines in fact.
Later however (well after I'd assured grandpa that he would get the check) Sonny-Boy asks me for another bottle of the same wine. At that point I have to glance over at grandpa, who doesn't wince, bat an eye, or suffer a heart attack at the seeming extravagance of the bill he was going to be picking up. This told me a great deal, as well as the fact that grandpa let - encouraged me actually - to keep pouring him a very large glass of this yummy good stuff (possibly setting the stage for a third $110 bottle to be needed).
Lest I forget, the behavior of the children (all under age ten, I'd wager) told me perhaps more about this table (OOPS - I mean this "group" of people ;) than all of the adults combined. They said "please" and "thank you." They remained seated, and were not loud, nor messy. The parents were respectful of my time by expediting the ordering process and ordering for their children, but when necessary, the children spoke to me, and quite clearly. When they wanted something, they asked me politely, and they waited patiently. One little girl really didn't like the meal we served her, and she told me so, herself, and she graciously accepted the alternative I offered her, then waited several minutes for it to arrive without making any fuss at all.
One little boy wanted more salt and pepper on his noodles, and there was just something in the way he said it that made me willing to move heaven and earth to bring it to him. Whenever I asked the children, individually, at different times throughout the meal, if they were done with their plates, they answered me kindly, one way or another. I'd be hard-pressed to say whether I've ever been more amazed by or enjoyed serving any group of children in my entire career in fact. I'm kind of tearing up now, even just thinking about them...
Back to the point of this posting, the grandfather exhibited generosity to his family, a polite and respectful demeanor towards myself and our entire staff, and apparently he was not at all concerned about the expense of the outing. In short, he was not just the typical a foodie whom we generally love to wait on, but the ideal customer whom we all dream of serving. He more than fit the exact profile of those whom I've observed might be inclined to tip much better than 20%, if he felt that my service was indeed excellent.
Of course I auto-gratted anyways. Even though my service was excellent in this case, I don't take such risks anymore, having learned the hard way. I'll always claim my "minimum gratuity" when I know that I've earned it, and keep working even harder to get some extra Awesome Sauce smothered on top.
Presenting the check went off without a hitch, and without any argument from his family (back 100% on-topic now, this was an important cue to me, that apparently they were expecting, or accustomed, to this from him). So at the end when I'm returning his card and vouchers to sign, right when he's making eye contact to receive it from me, I speak the words "Our service charge is itemized on the bill, for your review" and thank him by name, and the entire group once again for choosing our restaurant and invite them to please return and ask for me by name if they get the opportunity.
After all I just said earlier .. "Why would I do that? you might ask.
It was a simple matter of taking note of all of the observable cues I'd witnessed about the fact that he and his entire group were very experienced restaurant diners. I knew good and well that he knew good and well that gratuity was going to be included on a table of that size, because apparently he's eaten out more than once or twice since the 1950's. He knows about auto-grats, and if anything I'm guessing is true, he's eaten at even nicer places than mine and doesn't worry about the expense.
So dealing with such a sophisticated diner, I took one last opportunity to distinguish myself from the 500 other waiters he's had before me, and did the exact opposite of what he's observed over the years - waiters hoping he wouldn't notice the auto-grat and taking him for a fool, trying to get double-bumped.
Gorgonzola and I discussed our mutual strategy that very evening. In situations like this, we both know that we stand to gain a lot more - both in respect from our guests and in financial reward - by verbally disclosing auto-grats to more sophisticated diners. We're both betting that the guest will view us as "stand up fellows" for doing so, and that their respect for us will transfer to the bottom line of the voucher.
In this case it did. The bill was over $700, the auto-grat was $132, and the gentleman wrote in an additional $35 (totalling over $900, and equalling roughly a 25% tip). Maybe he would have tipped extra anyways, but in this case, my verbal disclosure of the auto-grat was just one more little way of icing the cake, showing him that I'm the kind of guy that someone like him can truly appreciate being served by, and he's the kind of guy who showed it.
Exactly as I was betting on.
It's not that you have to be in the routine of picking up $900 tabs to be treated well by average waiters or waitresses, by the way. No, not at all. Sometimes rich people are among our least favorite customers to wait on in fact, and can be among the worst tippers as well. When you go out to eat...
Nah, this has been long enough already. More about how we judge you and some tips on how to be treated well by wait-staff regardless of how much you're spending or tipping, next time.
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