Mr. McGee, Don't Make Me Angry

Seriously. Is this a guy you want chasing you into the parking lot with a baseball bat?

So, you guys remember my friend Shannon, don't you? 

He's the waiter that saved my life by pulling a booger out of my nose for me, just as I was about to deliver food to a table.

I'm going to tell you one of his stories, as I wind down this series (and soon-to-be book!) on restaurant tipping and the reasoning behind the "autograt" (Newbies, please see Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - and Part 6 sometime. You'll get a few laughs, and probably thank me for the education).

When last we left off, I'd just been stiffed on a $600 tab. While that's quite an emotional experience, my telling of it was tempered by the fact that I've got over 20 years in the restaurant industry behind me, and at least possess the wherewithal to somewhat control myself, and (usually) NOT chase the offending party into the parking lot to let them know exactly how I feel about the situation.

Well ages ago, while we were still young whipper-snappers who didn't give a frying pan about our jobs, this guy did just that. That Shannon, he's a lawless one, I'm here to tell ya.

I don't recall the exact situation that led up to this, but apparently, the tip he was left impacted him (i.e., pissed him off) enough to chase after the customer in the parking lot. Whether it was one, two, or ten people he waited on (beats me), they left him a dollar.

One. Measly. Dollar.

Shannon went outside, and I guess it's lucky for them that it took him maybe a minute to get back to the table to find their dollar, and then to bolt out the door. Otherwise, they'd have met one angry dude face-to-face. So, he sees them either while still walking down our long sidewalk or in their car driving off, somehow gets their attention, and rips the dollar bill into shreds, yelling "Here's what I think of your @#$% dollar!" 

He then threw the pieces into the air and walked back inside. Yup, every server's dream...

Now do I know all this because Shannon told me the story over a beer, after the shift was over? No.

He and I were cleaning up or doing whatever it is we do as waiters at the end of the shift, when our manager, Donna, walks up and says "Shannon. Put out your hand for me." Shannon extends his hand, palm up. Donna places hers - closed-fisted - above his, then slowly extends her fingers, while shredded pieces of dollar bill fall into Shannon's hand.

Busted! Obviously, the customer must have turned around, walked back toward the entrance, taken the time to pick up all the pieces of their not-so-generous dollar tip, and then made the effort to walk back inside to find a manager. And (I'm guessing) perhaps "chewed her a new one" before finally leaving.

She says, "Consider yourself lucky we're so short-staffed right now or I'd fire you on the spot. But if you ever........" 

Professional or not, what you've just read is quite arguably a healthy emotional reaction to the situation he was faced with. (That he actually got away with it is nothing short of legendary, haha!) But so often, when most of us servers find ourselves in that situation, we suppress the natural emotional response for the sake of keeping our jobs, and we wind up not taking our frustrations out on the customer directly. Many of us also wind up drowning, or working our frustrations out, in some famously unhealthy and/or illegal ways.

Now I really don't know if Shannon's service on that particular table "sucked" or not, but I've already detailed why leaving less than 10% just isn't right - ever. But 10% likely wouldn't have provoked such a response or action on his part. As you should know by now, he most likely wound up paying out of his own pocket to wait on that person (or group) and this makes us all pretty angry.

Now imagine that Shannon, myself, or any waiter comes in to work a larger reservation. Your wedding party, maybe. Say we two servers share a party of 25 people. We get there well over an hour early to set things all up for you, and we wait on no other tables (guests, customers, whatever you need to hear me call you) that entire night, because the tables in our sections had to be pushed together and are of course held empty until your group arrives. Everything goes okay - maybe with some minor glitch or two thrown in for color - but overall everyone got fed and most folks were genuinely happy.

The group leaves late that night, leaving two waiters (and hopefully a busser!) to clean up. And then we waiters open that little book, only to find out that we've worked all these hours and some cheap bastard (not you, of course) again left us a whole dollar. To split.

Do you REALLY think that guy will stand even a snowball's chance of getting out of the parking lot un-accosted? By not one, but two, angry waiters? Whose rent is due tomorrow?

There's a saying (that I made up one day) that goes "Every policy, law, or rule there ever was - is because of something stupid somebody does..." 

My point is, that fact that you and I EVER see a tip included in our bills at restaurants, is NOT because restaurants in general are snooty places who just expect you to pay good money for bad service. 

And if you're reading this, know that it's probably not your fault either, nor a reflection of how most restaurant servers feel about you personally. But use your imagination for just a minute please, and try to picture the evolution of how the practice of "automatic gratuity" most likely ever came into being in the first place...

Over many years, many thousands and thousands of diners - whether just plain cheap, uneducated, or foreigners simply unaware of the norms of American restaurant culture and all that I've painstakingly detailed for you these past weeks - failed again and again to pay their waiters and waitresses for service rendered. Waitresses cried, and waiters broke things. Some walked out of their job in the middle of a shift, leaving lots of people hanging by their absence. Customers got confronted in the parking lot. Again and again and again.

Maybe some restaurant or three in years past even got SUED based on the actions of an angry waiter. Like Shannon. Like me. Like Mabel at the Waffle House or Sven in Los Angeles or Sebastian in New York City, I don't know. Really I don't know how automatic gratuity got started, but I'm willing to bet you double-or-nothing of 20% on a bottle of Dom Perignon that before the autograt came into existence that SOMEBODY got physically injured over this very issue.

Then again, I'm just guessing - but do you have a better theory? Everything starts somewhere, right?

All I'm saying is that at some point in time, some restaurant owner or manager made a judgment call, and instituted a new policy. Others saw that it was good, and followed suit. 

If I were to ever meet that person, I'd probably kiss them.

And probably you should too.

Okay I know... so maybe you don't always like it when you see a tip added to your restaurant bill, especially when you're the one paying a particularly large tab.

But if you've ever had too much wine while dining out - so much that you completely forgot to even sign your credit card voucher when you left (I've had this happen to me more than once) - much less do the math required to tip properly while you were intoxicated, then please just trust me when I say ...

You have the autograt to thank for the fact that you woke up the next morning, taking for granted that both your skull and your car's windshield were still intact.

   You'd think I'd be finished with this topic by now, huh?

   No, not quite. Subscribe if you care to see how this ends.
   And tell you friends about www.TheWorkingGuy.com !