Is The Tip Included?

Not where I work, btw

I have a feeling this is going to be a three or four-parter. At minimum. There's just such a plethora of issues to cover, that I've been avoiding writing about this, in fact, and in part not to offend some of you.

So, "Is the tip included?" she asks.

"She" being no one in particular, just more like the "one" in the common phrase "There's always one..." or "There's one in every bunch..." and we've all waited on her before - many, many times in fact.

I shall call her Petunia. "Petunia" is in fact the name my mom disdainfully used when speaking of any girl whom one of us three boys was "dating" or "seeing" or "with," but not married to. That is to say, it didn't matter what her name was, my mom didn't care and the girl didn't deserve to have a real name until we'd married her. She was probably no good for us and would cause more harm than good by the time things were over.

So Petunia totally works, for our purposes today.

The image above is a screenshot I saved from an online menu stating some of the restaurant's policies. Pretty harsh, you're probably thinking, huh? Well I liked it, and posted it on my personal Facebook page, only to get two quick responses from certain friends "sharing their feelings" about having to pay a mandatory tip when they get bad service.

Jonathan - "I'm a good tipper but I do not like mandatory rules like that. I would probably never go to that establishment as I don't think I should be forced to tip for bad service if that is the case"

Tony - "what if your service sucks.....then what. Id probably pay cash and subtract the tip, and they can take it up with the authorities if they like..."

Gee guys, "Always look on the brrrr-ight side of life" much?

First off, I find it rather eeeen-teresting that both responses went immediately to the "when service sucks" end of the spectrum. I know it happens (I eat out too y'know, and have received bad service myself) but is it such a NORM in the places you eat that it's the FIRST THING that comes to your mind? Well, maybe you should consider eating at nicer places, if that's the case. But still I understand. Here's what I wrote them right off the bat :

"I agree that you don't ever have to tip for bad service. Tell a server or manager your objections, and they'll remove it from the tab. But my 20+ years tell me it happens the other way about 1000 to 1 - where I or someone I work with gives adequate, good, or fantastic service and wind up getting stiffed or cheated, compared the amount of times a server honestly deserves to not be tipped. A blog about this is sure to come."

I know you readers know that I'm a pro, and am generally on your side, and I know that you'll  trust me enough to ride this topic out with me while I share about all the issues that go into this mandatory tipping thing, which we affectionately call "The Auto-Grat."

But for this one, I'm finally going to be giving you my side now. And yeh, I said "1000 to 1" - IMHO, waiters and waitresses get stiffed or screwed over about 1000 times more often then you are forced to tip for truly awful service. Plus, YOU actually CAN go to the manager and get the tip removed if you make your case that the service was awful and why you don't feel you should have to tip.

What am I gonna do when the reverse happens and you stiff me for good service? Follow you out to your car and take the money out of your wallet? Not without consequences that would be much worse than getting fired...

Well, I can't promise some of you won't be offended as this "series" plays out, but I can promise to play fair and be nice. If you want to subscribe for the follow-ups, here's most of what I imagine having to cover before I can take you back to the moment of when Petunia asks me "Is the tip included?" and I politely refrain from punching her in the face.

Whoa. Strong words those. "Why would I / We servers have such an emotional response to such a simple question?" Well, it's complicated, but it goes a little bit like this. My thoughts on  :

- This Is Not a Check : Why You Are Expected to Tip in the First Place
- I Think Tipping Should Be Done Away With, and the Restaurant Just Pay Their Waiters (and why you really DON'T want to see that happen, altho you may think it's a good idea)
- AutoGrat : Why the Mandatory Tip Exists in the first place
- Passive-aggressive Scenes I've seen and people who have gotten fired when stiffed
- Why Didn't You Tell Us the Tip Was Included? Because DoubleGrat is waiter lingo for "Hallejiuah!"
- Back to Petunia
- Let Them Eat Cake (but I'm not cutting it)

are soon to come.

Pandora's Box is officially now open for business. Feel free to comment below to participate, or on my Facebook page. And buckle your safety belts too - we're in for a bumpy ride!