I'll give you something to wine about

Image Source
Ummm, for purposes of this story,
the red stuff pictured above isn't wine.

Perhaps you've been out to a restaurant a time or two in your life, and perused the wine list thinking about ordering a bottle wine to compliment your dinner.

You may have also found yourself thinking, "Dang? $65 for a a bottle of my favorite Yummy-Delicious Brand of Cabernet Sauvignon? Why, I can get that same bottle for $20 at __________ (insert local retail store here)...

The prices you pay at a restaurant for a great bottle of wine can seem a wee bit outrageous indeed, I understand.

Well folks, I have to confess to you that *I personally* am part of this "insanely-high-priced bottles of wine problem" that you face when ordering wine out.

Sorry about that.

Small consolation perhaps, but tonight I'm going to share with you exactly why it's servers like me that drive the price you have to pay for a bottle of wine when "out" so through the roof.

Because tonight, for the second time in my lifetime as a career bartender/server, I wound up at the "Emergency Room" after a wine-glass related injury.

Many of you already know - and perhaps routinely accept - the fact that when you're at a nice restaurant you're going to pay probably triple, and maybe 4 times, for a bottle of wine than you'd pay for it at a local store. If you order by-the-glass in fact, you've perhaps noticed that you can actually buy a whole bottle of your brand of choice in a store, for about the same amount you'd pay for a single glass when ordering out. Before tipping, that is.

And if you've ever felt the need to ask about or challenge this concept, you've probably received an answer that inevitably contained the word "Ambiance" ...

Well sure Yes that's part of the correct answer... I mean the plush (furniture expenses) air-conditioned (utilities) building (Real Estate in a nice and convenient location) expenses do have to be covered ... But also No, that's just not the entire story either.

Okay, so you get the fact that this yummy-deliciousness gets carried to you by someone that the restaurant has to pay. Check. Stopping to think about it, you're also okay with the idea that it's served to you in nice glasses. Glasses that have to be purchased, and washed regularly with really hot water, by another person who has to be paid. Glasses, hot water bill, and payroll - check, check, and check.

So of course you're paying for a bit more than just the cost bottle of wine itself. You might even understand that long-term, these nice glasses get broken from time-to-time (I personally break three or four per month one way or another, and I've witnessed a server break over a dozen at once in one little accident. "What up, Dee?") and so these expensive glasses have to be replaced quite routinely. And of course you understand and respect that the restaurant itself actually has to make a decent profit from the whole transaction in order to remain open for you - for the next time you want to order a bottle of wine in a plush air-conditioned establishment with hopefully nice people waiting on you hand-and-foot who also have to be recruited, trained (BIG expense) and who of course expect to get paid for doing all of this for you.

But then on top of all that, there's guys like me that wind up at the hospital from time-to-time - just to deliver all of this yummy-deliciousness - trapped inside of a seamless "perfect night out" to you and for you.

My bad! Again, I'm sorry for throwing the equation off. But here's how it went down tonight :

I arrived a cool 20 minutes early for my shift. Take that to mean that I'm in NO hurries tonight, and I'm not rushing to catch up, nor being careless by any means. Where I work, there are wine glasses pre-set on starched white tablecloths on every table before you sit down. So, one of the largest parts of our "opening side-work" (as we call it) involves dividing ourselves into sections, then walking through the building with pitchers of hot steaming water, and polishing every wine glass.

For people who like to order expensive bottles of wine out, waiting while someone eyes the wine bottle's cork and then holds the first sip of wine up to a light - "rolling the glass" before even smelling - and then finally tasting - the wine itself... is just the every day part and parcel of what I do for a living.

Therefore, before opening for the evening, we servers likewise hold every wine glass up to a light to examine each and every one for little things like water-spots or (the worst!) those pesky lipstick stains that don't automatically come off with machine-washing. While all of the glasses are technically clean and sanitized, little things like this will of course catch the customer's eye whilst he or she rolls the glass and peers though it and the wine, searching for signs of quality and/or imperfections. Yeh, sounds pretty anal I know, but whether you're paying $30 or $800 for a bottle of wine (we carry both where I work) you deserve a clean glass, and part of what I get paid $2.13/hr for by the restaurant is to make sure you have it, okay?

So I've got my pitcher of hot water and clean linen towel. I'm making my way from table to table at a casual pace examining the glasses and polishing as needed. Then there's this onnnnne glass that's giving me no end of trouble, because of one pesky little hard-water spot that doesn't seem to want to come off. It's not enough to just polish it, so I've held the glass topside-down above the steamy water to fog it up a bit, then polish it again using the condensation to help with the stain.

That works just fine at least half of the time, but not this time. Now I've additionally dipped the glass into the water, and given it the extra attention of basically hand re-washing and then drying the glass. The chalky little stain is still there, hanging on determinedly, but it's almost completely gone now. Almost so completely gone if fact that I place the wine glass back onto the table, thinking to myself "Good enough" and move on to the next glass.

At the next table, that tiny little spot is still bugging me tho. Maybe I have a good work ethic or maybe I'm just OCD. Maybe both. Whatever, I have to go back. I basically repeat the process yet again to no avail, then try lightly scraping the glass with a spoon, which always works but it's a last resort because then I have to walk away and replace the spoon that was on the table because I know I've gotten it dirty in the process of cleaning the wine glass.

Even that didn't work this time. So I wet the glass one last time, holding the rim much more firmly than is usual (or smart) and give polishing it one more go...

Crack! Two other waiters turn around at the sound of breaking glass hitting the floor. I'm standing there looking at the cut and immediately begin applying pressure with the linen towel. I know good and well what this usually means, and I nonchalantly announce "Night off" as I begin calmly walking towards the nearest sink. This may sound pretty bad to you non-restaurant folks maybe, but since I'm not screaming, "DT" my co-worker, with equal nonchalance, announces "We've got a bleeder" as he and the other guy walk towards the table I've left with a broom and dutifully go about the business of cleaning up the mess I'm walking away from.

I'm going to spare you the bloody details of what actually had to be cleaned up so that I can get back to the point I've strayed from. But not without first giving a shout-out of thanks to about five people who really stepped up to help and take great care of me in my time of need, plus cleaning up what I perhaps rightfully should have, except that I was busy driving myself to the Emergency Room. The manager did a great job of helping me to relax while also applying different ointments and antiseptics, and "Yanni" both wrapped and unwrapped my finger with towels and even made a finger-splint to keep from re-opening the wound, while "Mrs Rabbit" cleaned up said sink. Thanks all you guys, I really mean it.

But back to the original point, Emergency Room visits aren't cheap - and as I noted, this is my second such visit (the last being around 2005) requiring stitches both times. So as to the seemingly ridiculously high price you pay for a bottle of wine while dining out, while "Ambiance" may definitely be a good catch-all answer, I'm thinking it's more correct to say that there's probably more "Overhead" costs going into the experience than most of us will ever have to think about.

So even if you bring your own bottle of wine to a restaurant, maybe now you'll be a little less peeved about the "corkage fee" you get charged, knowing about how much overhead actually goes into those nice clean shiny and hopefully spot-free glasses which you're chugging the yummy over-priced wine from.

That we break all the time, haha.

In fact before we even opened at 5pm, I heard when I got back from the hospital (and yes, I did go back to work and complete the shift, waiting on people with a cute little splint on my hand) ... I heard that another server broke another glass while polishing them, but I'm happy to report that she escaped unscathed from the incident.

While I can't speak for her, I just want to say that I'm sorry for being the guy that runs the cost of that bottle of wine up so high for you.

But yes, all that said, I still expect you to tip 20% on it. Duh. $2.13 an hour's not exactly hazard pay, right?