Attack of the Coupon People and Gift Certificate Users : Waiters Tremble

"It's the most, wonderful time, of the yeeeeeeear!" I'm lying again.

So it's mid-February as I write this.

I, and millions of other servers, are breathing a long collective sigh of relief, as we've FINALLY gotten past what can be our most trying time of the year.

I'm speaking of the dreaded January - which for us lasts from New Years' Eve through Valentine's Day.

For servers, the "month" of January is bracketed by the two "Amateur Nights" listed - noteworthy for the large number of cheap unsophisticated diners and poor tippers who only get out on such holidays whom we've just churned through. These rough nights are connected together by weeks in-between that are filled with possibly the slowest and least income-producing weeks of our lives (because people are broke from holiday spending and not eating out as much). Making matters worse, January is painfully dotted with people redeeming the gift certificates they received over the holidays.

All that, and our landlords knocking loudly, and our bills coming to us mailed in increasingly fluorescent colors, and using increasingly stern language.

As I was saying...

"Possibly the biggest sign of cheapness, unsophistication, and us receiving a poor tip from a guest would be the use of a coupon (or these days, a Groupon)..."

Add to that list, gift cards.

"The restaurants take a loss when promoting these deals in the hopes of bringing in new customers who otherwise might not ever come in, to try out our restaurant so that we can "wow you" into becoming a regular. A regular who will pay the regular price on future visits, that is. It works to a point and there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of a deal, but we've noticed that these promotions tend to bring in the pickiest, cheapest, stingiest, most demanding people as well, who won't ever be back unless they get another deal, or a gift card..."

My advice to you (if you like attentive service, that is) is that unless the deal specifically states "render coupon when ordering" that you DON'T disclose this to your server until it's time to pay. (Just make sure that it's not expired when you do so.) We've had way too many bad experiences with "coupon people" and gift-card redeemers that you don't want us to put you in that mental box from the very beginning, if you can at all avoid it.

So here's how to get around being treated as "coupon people" by a jaded server ...

First, let's identify the actual problem, so that you'll know where we're coming from and why there even is a problem to examine. The problem for us is that way too many people tip on the after-discount price of their meal, instead of on what they actually ordered. This really makes us want to break things.

I know that you may not know this (and so I'm all too glad to tell you) but we still get taxed and pay tip-out to our support staff on the WHOLE amount of your check, BEFORE your discount gets figured in. Appalling, I know. This often has the practical effect of eating up whatever tip you leave, if you tip based only on the discounted total we present to you. Much to your surprise I'm guessing, your "method of payment" - cash, credit card, gift certificate, or coupon deal - does not change how much food and beverage we rang up for you (nor the amount of work we did, for that matter). THIS dollar amount is still reflected in our "total sales" at the end of the shift, and again, is the dollar amount we tip out and are taxed on.

Using the formula I did earlier when getting stiffed, it goes like this : A $100 tab that's half food and half alcohol could result in about $5.50 in tip-out for me. Let's say that you redeem a $50 gift card or coupon, getting a bill of only $50, and then you tip 20%, or $10. At least you think you tipped me $10, but really I only received $4 after tip-out and what Uncle Sam keeps. If you tipped only 15% ($7.50) on the $50 check you received, guess what? I'm still paying the same in tip out and taxes, and you just tipped me $2 on $100 worth of food and beverage service.

And them's fightin' words, pahdner.

I think people more instinctively "get it" in cases where their bill comes to $105 and they are presenting a $100 gift card, for example. I'd like to believe that not one in a hundred people are calloused or stupid enough to honestly think that tipping 20% (or $1) on their $5 balance is appropriate. However, what I'd like to believe and what I've observed as reality over the years (and past several weeks) are miles apart. Some people really are like that, and in "January" it seems like we wait on them all several times each week.

I know full-well that you've probably never looked at things this way, and I'm not complaining. Much. I'm merely filling you in on how coupons and gift cards work from our perspective. Knowing this now, do you want to be waited on by a server who thinks from the very beginning that he or she could possibly lose money because you came in tonight and sat in their section? Perhaps now you see why our eyes roll back into our heads a bit, or our bodies tense up a bit, when you break out that $100 gift card, or your coupon deal. It is the extremely rare server indeed who sees these and thinks "Oh Boy! Here's my chance to impress first-time guests so much that they'll come back and spend real money with me one day in the distant future! I can't wait to tell my kids and my landlord about this!"

No, that guy's non-existent in fact. When we see these, what we're really thinking about are the ninety people before you who used these and tipped on the discounted total and left us $2 or less, practically speaking. And the nine people who were gone when we came back to collect, who'd put their coupon and some cash in the book and dashed out, only to realize that their deal had expired or was somehow invalid. And the one we had a confrontation with in the parking lot over this, because the restaurant illegally makes us pay for walk-outs and payment shortages.

THAT'S who you are to us when we see these.

You're the couple who thought they'd left me a "very generous" 40% tip this week. After their $100 gift certificate, their tab was $30. Up until the moment they broke out the gift certificate, I'm thinking (like we all do) that I'll maybe receive $26 or more on $130 worth of food, wine, and service with a smile. Thankfully, they were generous (from their perspective?) and left me $12. In my reality though, their 40% was less than 10% - minus taxes and tip-out. I did of course tell them my name again, and to please ask for me when they return.

After all, it's not like they redeemed $200 worth of gift certificates all at once and tipped $7.50 on the balance of $50 (15% to them, 3% to me, minus tip-out). No, that would be the "Joneses" who told me that this was the first time they'd been here in almost 20 years. Maybe I'll get lucky, and it'll be another 20 years before they return... Yup, that's jaded server talk for you! I did not repeat my name to these Joneses, nor invite them to ask for me ever again. Sorry if it disappoints you to know that about me

So finally, I'm just curious if maybe you're the guy who doesn't understand what "No Cash Value" means on a gift card? If that's you, it means you can't render a $100 gift card on your $82 meal and tell us to keep the change. All it means is that the restaurant profited an additional $18 from the transaction, and your server got stiffed if you left this card in the server book and ran out the door.

"No Cash Value" means that you're going to have to plan ahead on spending $15 or $20 in real cash if you mean to leave a tip, and then come see me again to redeem the remaining $18 in food and beverage. It's not rocket science.

I'd go on, but that could get whiney. Whining's not the point. The point is telling you how not to be seen as "that guy" from the outset by your server, and to help you get better service.

My totally sage advice is that at the very second you present your deal, in order to prevent us from wincing and checking out mentally on you, you must say to your server "Hey (name), can you print me out a copy of our bill before the discount gets applied, so that we know how much we're actually tipping on?"

Just like I advised the foreigners earlier, you do that, and you'll see a server who will bend over backwards and maybe do cartwheels through the dining room, ignoring all the other coupon people in their section to make sure you get the most preferential treatment they're capable of.

Like the "Smiths!" They too redeemed $200 in gift cards last week. I pick up the little black server book after they're gone, and - braced for the worst after so many weeks of this - I see that they've tipped me $20 on $220 total. I walk through the dining room keeping my composure and not breaking anything valuable because I'm a professional, only to discover once again what happens when I don't wear my glasses.

At the computer now, first I'm squinting, then my eyes open wide. Wait, that two is actually a seven. Awwwwww! The Smiths KNOW how to use a gift card properly! At least they use it like a server would.

The Smiths left me $70, sharing the gift they'd received with the server who waited on them. THAT my friends, is how to properly redeem a gift card or coupon!

Don't say I never gave you a happy ending.