Why I Got Stiffed

You may remember from my last entry that I reported being left a $0 tip on a $200+ tab earlier this week by some European guests. I also said that I was pretty sure why they stiffed me, and that I'd be telling you why today.

I'm not going to make you wait to find out, or build it up. They stiffed me because I brought them their check.

Oops. My bad.

"What?" you say? Well, it's like this. I don't remember how many years ago or even what restaurant I was even working at - it's been that much time - when I was serving a small group from Europe. They had finished their dinners, and their after-dinner drinks, and their espressos, and told me twice that no, they didn't want anything else. So I routinely walked up to the table and unobtrusively put their check down, planning to walk quietly away until I was needed again ... but I did not see coming what happened next.

The guy went near-ballistic. "WHATTT?!?!?" he exclaims. "You trying to hurry us out of here? Do we have to leave now or something?" Ummmm, no. "Then why you are bringing us check? Who says we are "feeenished?"

The level of offense and hostility this man exhibited had me feeling like I had just spit on his mother's grave or something, and - suffice to say - left quite the impression on me. I was a bit confused and he and I actually had a nice little ideological chat about the matter. Right there, in front of everybody. This gentleman let me know that where he's from, they are there to talk, to enjoy one another's company. The meal is just what brings them together - but not why they are there - and the evening is far from over "when food is gone."

I explained to him that that is somewhat different from the way "we" often do it. "We Americans" are so often is such a hurry to be somewhere else ... that "the meal" is sometimes just a necessity that precludes the "main event" - like a movie, or concert, or any other event that brought us together. And that we're probably running late for.

(Oh yeh, I remember. This was when I was working at The Prime Cut on 2nd Avenue, Downtown Nashville Tennessee, where there was always some big concert arena event going on that had people rushing out our doors on their way to after dinner. At this particular place, we routinely heard, "Hey. We're in a bit of a hurry. Do you think you can get us out of here kind of quickly? We're going to ......."  It was honestly hard NOT to say, "Yeh, you and the other 200 people in here. They're all in a hurry too. And they were here first."

So, in this culture, presenting the check was often a courtesy, or a favor, intended to KEEP the guests from having to wait for, or find us, once they were done eating. People are *of course* welcome to stay as long as they like, but they are also free to leave quickly as well, if they need to. That's how I explained it to him. Yeh ... maybe I was back-pedaling a bit, but he bought it. Things smoothed out, they all chilled awhile longer, left with no hard feelings, and he tipped me ... well, at least like a European.

I'll just leave it at that for now. That's a different topic. But for a good decade at least, I had learned my lesson.

Back to present day. I'm serving three European guests. They're done with their dinners, their after dinner drinks, and their espressos. And we're closed now. All of my other tables have paid, and I routinely drop off the check unobtrusively, and walk away until I'm needed again.

Thirty minutes later, the host places his credit card in the check presenter. I return with it, and wish them a nice evening. Ten minutes later, they're still talking, and I unobtrusively pick up the check presenter. Open it up at the computer, to close the check out, annnd "goose-egg."

Am I mad? No. Hurt? Yes. But I immediately acknowledge my mistake. Now, it's not that I think he really had the right to do this ... but I do in fact know better by now. "Europeans hate being rushed." Right or wrong being irrelevant, as far as money in the bank goes, I screwed up, and I paid the price.

What's worse, is that in this particular case, I already knew that it's not that he's a foreigner who doesn't know our customs; I know this because I personally returned their bar tab to the bartender once they were seated (and didn't worry about my tip just "because they were Europeans" because I saw it myself ... he tipped them okay). It's just that from his perspective, I rushed them, and he took it personally.

I see that he wants to make it even more personal. The group hung around afterwards, for another half an hour, talking amongst themselves, after every other guest had left the restaurant. This guy however actually had the nerve to make more eye contact with me in the 30 minutes AFTER I picked up his voucher, than the entire two hours prior. Drunken, self-satisfied-smirk, red-eyed contact, I might add. He was baiting me. I honestly think he was wanting me to say something about it. He was wanting a confrontation similar to the one I had 12 or 13 years prior with my other European guest ... just so he could go off on me.

Nope, you're not getting a peep out of me. I'm not giving you the satisfaction. I'm too long in this business to let you see an emotional reaction. Twenty years ago..? Maybe. But today I've got a wife and cats to support. I think about what's most important, and take the abuse. It's part and parcel of every server's job at one point or another. 

Whatever degree of satisfaction I might obtain by telling him how I really feel about this pales in comparison to what matters in my life. This has already cost me $11 plus what he might have tipped, and I'm not about to let an altercation with a guest cost me my job on top of it.

Expensive lesson learned. Again dammit.

And as promised, why this additionally cost me $11 out of pocket - next time.

Cheers mate.