Saturday, August 25, 2012

Why American Servers Hate Waiting on Foreigners

If you can handle the F-Bomb, Naomi sums up in this 11-second
video clip
 how we all feel. Yes, every single one of us.
Sorry.
In my first couple of months (working at the restaurant where most of this blog takes place) Pistachio throws me an honest question:

"Hey Guy, do you feel that you ever kind of slack off on your standards of service when waiting on foreigners?"

I think the question itself was an admission of guilt on his part, and that he was just making conversation, assuming that I'd relate.

Had I not been so new there, I think I would have given him a much more honest answer than I did at the time. I didn't really know him well, nor care to trust him with my innermost secrets (like I do you guys). Nearly two years later though, I think it's time for me to finally let the truth out.

To all of you foreigners planning on dining in the U.S., I think you should know that we American restaurant servers really, really, really hate you. For the most part anyways.

(Disclaimer : I'm using the word "hate" here rather loosely, as true hatred is against my beliefs and my nature. But it is a word that gets thrown around over and over when servers are discussing foreigners, as the videos I'm including testify.)

We don't hate you because of the color of your skin, your ethnicity, or for your religious beliefs. You may be of the same persuasion as your server on one or two of those items for that matter, but we will still hate you even if we're actually the same on all other checkboxes. It's not your accents we can't stand, that's just work. It's not the way you smell - although that, and your hygiene - could arguably use a little work, from our perspective.

It would probably be more accurate for me to clarify that we don't hate you personally, because we don't really get to know you of course. But by and large, we hate *waiting on you* because you don't tip.

90% of the time or greater, you don't tip well (or even sufficiently for services rendered) and many times you don't tip at all. We have learned from multiple experiences that you are more likely going to cost us money out of our own pockets because you sat in our section, than we are going to earn money from you. When seated a table of non-U.S. customers, our hearts kind of sink, and quite often the hostess apologizes to us for "giving you" to us. I'll bet you didn't know that did you? Your very presence often requires an in-house apology to be offered among co-workers.

Now, the spirit of my blog has always been that I don't complain about my job, my customers, my tips, etc. Rather, I share funny things that happen, life lessons I've picked up over the years, and the like. And just because my readers trust me and know that I'm often "on their side" as a professional who strives to offer my guests great service, they enjoy hearing me explain things to them which they did not know, from my inside perspective.

So lest you think I'm making an exception to my rules just to complain about foreigners, let me tell you a somewhat amusing story about "Mark from Denmark."

Mark's in Orlando for a large conference of veterinarians being held at the Convention Center (a few minute walk from our restaurant). We have these events all the time here, and we wait on customers from all over the world regularly. Well, Mark from Denmark is dining with two other guests and he pays me in cash for the lunch. To the penny, with no tip at all.

Now usually I let this go, but after over a year of putting up with this behavior routinely, I uncharacteristically decide to speak up. I don't think I would have, except for the fact that I was standing there as he counted out the bills and then handed it all to me. If I had picked up their payment after they'd left, it's not like I would have followed him out to address the topic, but he just counted the money outloud then handed me the book.

My frustration with this ongoing situation has somehow exceeded my capacity to keep my mouth shut, today it seems, and I calmly state "There's not gratuity included in the bill, like some places sir."

"What?" he asks me - probably not too thrilled that I called him out in front of his associates. (The truth is I know I'm moving from Orlando shortly, and just maybe the risk of losing my job for opening my mouth holds less weight for me on this particular day.)

I state even more matter-of-factly this time, "The tip isn't included."

Much to my surprise, he explains that this is a business trip (duh, I knew that) and to get reimbursed, he would need for the tip to be detailed on the check. Wow, that's completely understandable, and now I'm kind of liking this guy! Maybe he's not a total jerk foreigner after all, who doesn't care if I have to pay for the honor of waiting on him, he just wants to see it on the bill. I mean he was going to stiff me and it's not like he couldn't have explained all this to me up front if he were genuinely concerned about tipping, but since I brought it up at least he's willing to not be a complete jerk after all.

Not a problem. I just have to go to the manager and explain that Mark needs to have the tip itemized on his check. I know we can auto-grat this on the computer, print it out, and we both get what we want out of the situation. Great!

My mistake was opening my mouth again. Once was risky enough, but after explaining to him that I can do that, I mess up by actually asking him "The standard 18%?" to which he replies "No, ten."

I stare, and thankfully it's at this point that I finally, finally succeed in keeping my mouth shut. But I'm still staring, and with this quizzical (I'm sure) look on my face while clenching my teeth.


Wait for it ... because this is the part that I thought was funny ... Mark points to our policy, and says to me with all seriousness "18% is for parties of eight or more. We are only three."

Bwah, hahahahahaha! 

Believe it or not I actually understand his logic! So I walk away FAST before truly embarrassing myself by trying to take this any further. The crazy thing was explaining to Mike the manager why I needed a 10% auto-grat, which of course he's never done before. We're not even sure if the computer will do that, but he figured it out. As to the guy's reasoning, Mike good-naturedly says, "I guess it's a good thing for you he wasn't eating by himself."

Like most foreigners, Mark from Denmark doesn't understand that a 10% tip is actually an insult to American servers, but moving up from nothing I'll take it - and the funny story - in stride this time. Mark from Denmark could at least be reasoned with a bit.

Unlike Sven from Sweden.

Family of eight. Tourists. Auto-grat. But I made one mistake. Sven orders the "black and blue" steak but wants the blue cheese on the side. I failed to type that in, and long story short, we had to fix this, which took all of ninety seconds.

Everyone else loves the food and the service, and I take him the check. Sven from Sweden actually has the nerve to challenge the auto-grat because of my mistake. I tell Mike about the problem. We're both dumbfounded, but he removes the auto-grat, saying "What a jerk." Mike actually goes out to the table himself to present the check and apologize for our error, just so he can stare the guy down and see this jerk for himself. I wish I had been quick enough to suggest to Mike that we remove the auto-grat from just the one steak, but leave the rest, and take the check back to him. I honestly think Mike would have gone for it if I'd thought of it sooner, and man, that could have been fun to watch unfold!

So, bottom line ... Sven from Sweden - like Mark from Denmark and so many other foreigners before him - pays his family's bill to the penny, leaving me no tip at all, costing me about $12 in tip-out that night, out of my own pocket for "the pleasure" of giving good service to him and his smelly family.

"It all averages out ..." I lie to myself, while dispelling images of spitting in his food if I ever see him again. (I'm not going to lie and tell you I've never done it before in my 25 years of restaurant service, but I'm older now, and overall much more mature about these things.)

But listen up Sven. We know good and well that you would have found something to complain about if I hadn't made this small mistake, and that you most likely came in knowing about American auto-grats, intending to find a way to get it removed if at all possible and stiffing your server no matter what. I'd bet good money that you do it all the time. Or that you at least try. And we hate you for it.

It's stealing, Sven. In America, it's our "social contract" that waiters get 20% tips, otherwise a $4.99 burger costs you and everyone $7.99, if we completely change the system to where the restaurant pays us a decent wage. Nobody really wants that, so just cough up the dollar tip for every five you spend or just stay home.

Sure, we're glad that our overall economy gets a boost when millions of you foreign tourists spend millions of dollars here annually. The problem is that we servers don't get any of it. Those who wait on you get shafted most of the time. You not only fail to pay us for services rendered, you often cost us money just for sitting at our tables. We wait on you, you stiff us, we pay tip-out and taxes, and you take up the space that a table who would have tipped could have had that we'd actually make money on. 

And that is why we don't like you. And that is why we will auto-grat you every chance we get.

We servers all know that in your country tipping 20% for excellent service is not the custom. We also know that you know it IS the custom here. We know your travel agents told you, and that you have brochures and "Tips for Travelling in the United States" that explain it to you. We know you have the internet and learned all about this yourself before you even came. (Below, I'm providing yet another video for you, from "Wolter's World : America Explained" series. Wolter's a world traveler and he's not a waiter, but he knows that we hate you, and he is trying to help you.) I've been to Russia myself in fact, and our group had to study for nine months on how not to offend you when over there, so I'm sure you did nine minutes or more of research before you came here.

We know you're just pretending to be ignorant of the fact that tipping is expected here, and we don't forgive you for it.

It's foreigners like you, Sven, that make us American waiters hate waiting on you. All of you. Many of you don't tip, most of you don't tip well if you do at all, and we hate you, plain and simple, because of it. For my American readers, if you want to know why restaurants auto-grat so frequently these days, I want you to know that it's not your fault, most likely.

Sure there's plenty of Americans who don't tip well and we've addressed that here. They are in the minority I've found, however. The problem, is that the overwhelming majority of foreigners don't tip, unless made to. I'm willing to bet even more good money that by and large, that the sheer volume of foreigners visiting America as tourists - often concentrated in cities like Orlando, New York City, and Los Angeles - then stiffing their servers, is in fact how the auto-grat probably got started, and takes the form that it does today. Servers were crying and walking out and breaking things, remember? And restaurants needed to find a way to keep their good staff. But if you know one thing about business in America, it's that businesses don't typically want to piss off their customers, right? We don't do this auto-grat thing lightly. But it simply had to be done, because of the foreigners.

And now you know. And now that you know, perhaps I can sleep a little easier, having gotten all this off of my chest. I'm just one more entry (Petunia, remember?) and one appendix away from being done. It's going to make a great book that we can ship in bulk to foreign embassies and put in airport bookstores perhaps.

But back to Pistachio's question before I sign off for tonight.

"Do my standards of service ever get a little slack when waiting on foreigners?"

I'm ashamed to say... Yes. Sometimes.


You Svens from Sweden and you Marks from Denmark and you Europeans with your espressos and you Brazillians with your American holidays and you crappy-tipping Canadians and you French guys that leave quarters ... have honestly "gotten" to me.


I told Pistachio a year earlier that I know that some foreigners don't tip well, but some do, and overall it always averages out so I just try to give the same service to everybody. That was a lie then, and I'd be living a lie to say so here.

There. I admitted it. Happy?

I'm a damn good server who takes pride in my work - my profession, my craft, my ART if you will, but you cheap foreign &%@$#s have ruined me. I've taken so many different types of abuse at my job, and have seen many ups and downs in my work, yet I keep coming back and giving great service to people day after day believing the best about almost everybody and not caring about the worst as best as I honestly can.

But you people ... you foreigners ... you've beaten me. I can't stand you, and I can't stand myself sometimes knowing that I can't stand you. But you've finally won, and you've made me a lesser person for it.

If you're part of a foreign 2-top or a family of four that's not being auto-gratted, you MAY not get my best. If I'm busy, and I have to make a choice between giving three of my tables great service and yours maybe kind of bad service, or risk giving all four tables just "average" service to make sure that you get taken care of "equally" well ... Well Sven, I'm sorry, but it's just honestly not going to happen.

I'm not going to tell you much, if anything, about the specials, for instance. Figure out what's good here by yourself, and I'll come take your order after you've sorted it out on your own. If you ask my opinion about anything on the menu, I'm going to tell you "it's good" rather than be honest and waste a lot of my time telling you what I really like the best. Because you won't pay me for my time and expertise.

I'm not going to do anything at all in fact to serve you that takes up any more of my time than absolutely necessary to get you out of my life, because you're not worth my time based on how you're most likely going to treat me at the end. Tell me what you want and I'll bring it to you because I have to, that's how this works. If your drinks are empty and so are the drinks at table next to you, guess who gets a refill? Not you.

Don't dare ask me questions about "what's fun to do around here" or for directions either. Because if you do, I'm going to have a three-second internal debate with my passive-aggressive side about whether or not to send you to the absolute lamest place that I know of, or give you directions that will leave you lost and out of gas somewhere.

All that's on a bad day for me of course. Otherwise I'll probably try a little harder for you if there's time, because it's my job and I have to live with myself. But if I'm even a little busy, hundreds of foreign customers before you ever came along have already ruined things for you. As soon as I hear your accent, it's like I don't see you so much anymore, as I see "them" - the ones who have stiffed me so many times before I ever met you. Therefore, you might get a little ignored, maybe. Then again you might not. But it's a lot more likely that you will, if there's a choice to be made.

And I'm sorry for that.

It's just that feeding MY family is why I work here. Feeding YOUR family is just my job and a means to that end, but it's not my ultimate responsibility in life. So again, anytime there's a clear choice to be made, guess who wins and guess who loses? I sometimes hate myself for having to make this choice, and to be honest it kills me a bit inside when I do, but I'm here to tell you, the last time I felt I did have to make a choice between giving foreigners good service or Americans great service, I catered most and I catered best to those who were paying me cold, hard American cash for my time and efforts.

And I'll do it again.

And you know what? I actually CARE about my job and my performance and my guest's satisfaction. So if I'll choose to ignore you, you can bet that Pistachio and millions of other waiters and waitresses are probably going to as well, without even thinking twice or feeling bad about it. They've told me so in fact.


So what can we do about this problem Sven? What can you do, if you're planning on making a trip to the U.S., and you don't want your servers to ignore you, or give you anything less than their best service?

Well, you're reading this, and that's a start. Of course you can tell yourself that you're going to tip 20% for great service (which always surprises us servers, when you foreign visitors do so). But your server won't know that, so how does that help you, on the front end?

Hmmmmm ... how can your server know not to give you worse service because you're foreign, and that you're likely to tip well for good service? That's a tough one ...

Hey I know!

HERE'S how you can really ensure better service, if your server knows you're not from the U.S. and will be inclined to believe from the outset that you're a lousy tipper, not worthy of their best performance, or their time.

TELL THEM to auto-grat your check.

Seriously. Do it at the very beginning, while they're asking for your drink order, and possibly still inclined to be making a little chit-chat with you until they realize just how foreign you are.

Just say "Hey we'd like to ask you a favor... The tipping customs are different where we live than I've read they are here. But we want to make sure you get paid correctly. Could you auto-grat our check for us so that we can see it on the bill, and don't have to figure it out for ourselves?"

You do that ten different places while you're dining in the U.S. and I'm guessing 8 out of 10 waiters will cheerfully say "Yes sir/ma'am I can do that" and you will want for nothing. You'll receive possibly the best service you've ever received in your life from a server, who now genuinely appreciates you being there in their section. They'll be blown away that you cared enough to say that on the front end, and they will work very hard to make sure that you're very happy.

Two out those ten times however, you'll have a less experienced server who might seem confused by the concept, and maybe feel obliged to ask you to clarify. Tell them "Just whatever your restaurant's policy is on larger tables, please go ahead and add that amount to our check, even thought there are only (two, three, four, five...) of us."

Say it out-loud with me Sven... let's rehearse this together in fact. I want you to say, "Can you add 20% gratuity to our check please?"

Out of those ten servers, I'm guessing that you might possibly see one of them cry when you say this.

Because 30 seconds ago they were cursing life and God and you for sitting in their section, and you just made their day.

In all cases, you win. You'll get the great service you deserve for choosing to spend your money at our restaurant, and the server will get paid the amount he or she deserves for a job well done.

It's win/win ... everybody's happy ... international crisis averted.

Group hug!



You've just enjoyed Part 11 in my series on restaurant tipping and auto-gratuity. Here's links to Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 and Part 10 so you can catch up. The final installment (plus an appendix on The IRS) are coming soon. 

Don't miss it! Subscribe for the last chapters via the e-mail link below, or the box at the top of this page.

P.S. Here's a little more "food for thought" for all of the unrepentant Svens out there ... I'm not saying that I agree (entirely) with what happened here below, but you don't want to let the chance of it happening ruin your vacation, do you?

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