"Why Didn't You Tell Us The Tip Was Included?"

"Indeed, the tip was included, you ignoble savage."

I love it when a table asks me this!

How *I* handle that question is way below, but first ...

Back to Petunia, that no good such-and-such who asks outloud in front of everybody else at the table "Is the tip included?" It probably seemed quite harsh of me, months ago, when I wrote to you that when Petunia asks this, I have to "politely refrain from punching her in the face."

Not that I ever would, but for that second, the impulse to do so does rise up within me, and most other servers as well. All of the ones I've personally asked, or spoken to, about this, that is, I mean. Ever. I can't say that I speak for us all though.

You see people, it's like this: just once on every third blue moon or so, we will still today wait on a larger table who somehow doesn't notice that gratuity was in fact included on their bill, and they'll tip us AGAIN on top of the final amount. The technical term for this rare occurrence would be "Double-grat" but more commonly most of us might just say "Yes! I got Double-bumped!"

It's like Christmas and your birthday and a winning Lotto ticket all rolled up into one. If the credit card voucher were a football, we'd spike it.

Once again my sincere thanks to you Dear Reader for having come with me this far. On top of all the instances that you've to-date graciously taken the time to hear me out on - nevermind the foreigners - do you have any idea how many 60 and 70 year-old women I've had to kiss on the mouth on their birthdays in my line of work? And speaking for my female friends and co-workers, how many times they've been grabbed, pinched, and slapped on the butt as an un-enjoyable yet routine part of their profession?

The indignities certain people inflict upon us while we execute what should otherwise be a simple matter of bringing you your food and drink are occasionally beyond belief.

Not himself prone to whining, David Hayden writes "Serving will give you reason to doubt yourself, your restaurant and your guests. Your very faith in humanity will inevitably be called into question. Some nights you will have a hard time finding a reason to smile. Waiting tables is a difficult profession, and there will be shifts where all signs point to you walking out with empty pockets... The only way to be a great server is to be optimistic anyway." - Tips Squared : Tips for Improving Your Tips

90% of the time (depending upon where one works I'd say) things go fine and most of us "somewhat to sincerely" enjoy our work and our interactions with the guests we wait on. Then there are times when we put up with various types of abuse and almost don't care, because we're getting paid. You can run us back and forth, speak rudely to us, perhaps grab and grope us, and we will still speak well of you and perhaps even fight and finagle our way to wait on you when you return, so long as you tip us well. We're whores and we know it, and how you tip is the only criteria by which we judge you.

Conversely, if you are nice as can be and tell us "You're the best server I've ever had..." (the dreaded "verbal tip" we call it, because we know that's almost a sure sign of a bad tip to come) we will rat you out to other wait-staff telling them to not waste their time giving you their best service, and many will curse out loud when you are seated in their sections, if you tip in the 10-15% range routinely.

(Actually, I won't personally rat you out if you tip poorly. I've matured, I know it might have been me or a mistake I made, and I think every guest deserves to be treated well without their server being pre-disposed to ignore them. I also view it as a challenge when a server tells me this right before I approach a table, and I'll tell you now that I've been rewarded many times for doing so with a good tip and an astonished look from the server who's attitude apparently played more into how that particular guest tipped them "the last time." Speaking in generalities though, if you're a bad tipper, word will get out to the staff, just fyi.)

But if we get paid, we'll suppress or somehow deal with our emotions when people are awful. But to deal with the downsides of our worst customers on a (non-gratted) table of four for example, then to find out that you got drunk and left without filling out and signing your credit or debit voucher - or walked out of the restaurant with the TOP COPY that you did fill out, leaving us the bottom one blank and with no tip at all for our hard work - can dang near break our spirits into tiny shards, at times.

So of all of the times when we literally lose money for having waited on you, and the times where we have no income to show for our work, we (the survivors among us, I mean) suppress all normal, healthy, human reactions to these instances and just breathe deeply when these things happen, in order to hold on to our sanity and our jobs ...

"How do we do that?" you might ask...

By saying to ourselves "It all evens out on the end..."

So here's the newsflash - that rare day when somehow, someone, actually double-tips us - is in fact THE WAY that it finally evens out for us! We've been consoling ourselves - and one another - over and over that things will even out for us, and today's the day it finally did!

Not even numerically mind you, just emotionally.

This is the moment when we finally look up to the heavens and declare "There's justice in the world after all! Yes! Yes!! YES!!! There IS a God! And He hasn't forgotten me!!!"

Okay before you judge me, first off it's not like we lied, cheated, or deceived you to make this happen, okay? Generally speaking, we just did our job and obeyed company policy while doing so. Of course we're secretly hoping it will happen every time we lay down the check, sure. But auto-gratting has become so commonplace today, that getting double-bumped rarely happens today. In the old days, you might not have caught that a tip, or an "auto-grat" (as I've been calling it) or a "Service Charge" (as it's now becoming referred to) was indeed worked into your bill. So maybe you're still angry about that one time, from years back. I understand.

Yes, I am aware that restaurant checks of the past somehow managed to obfuscate this detail, and that back before computers some server might've gotten away with illegibly scribbling this detail on your check in hopes that you'd miss it, and that 10 or 15 years ago, you might've gotten taken.

But the way it is today, every restaurant has heard your cries, taken your angry phone calls the next day, fired the parties responsible if and when you were indeed duped, doesn't want to receive any more such phone calls, and today, makes sure that any auto-grat or service charge that may apply was disclosed both up-front when the reservation (?) was made, and then again in easy-to-understand ways on your check and then (at most places) even once again on your credit/debit voucher, so that REALLY Petunia, it's totally on you if you somehow still miss it.

So don't be a Petunia. At least read your bill before asking the question out loud, willya?

Put simply, when an auto-grat has been included, this information is readily available on your check. If you don't see an auto-grat or service charge itemized however, then I'd say you're free to ask, just to keep yourself from getting taken. That's definitely fair, I'm just asking that you look before asking.

Petunias are almost never the ones picking up large checks for an entire table anyways. Petunias rear their head mainly when it's a group with separate checks. Just as the server is sneaking away after laying down those checks, she pipes up with "Is the tip included?" dashing our hopes - however miniscule they may be - of getting a few extra dollars and perhaps a much-needed emotional rush from the one person at the table who missed that detail. Petunia may think she's gaining favor with her friends, but as I've detailed, there are almost certainly one or two people dining with her who are going to think much less of her for years to come.

Now, many of us servers have all played around with creative ways to answer you if you ask "Is the tip included?" that perhaps won't reveal our disappointment, while still angling for a little more, if you happen to be so inclined (and many people are, believe it or not).

About fifteen years ago for instance, I heard my past co-worker TIMMY keep a straight face while smoothly answering "Yes ma'am. The 15% minimum. You're allowed to leave more though, if you feel that my service was better than the minimum."

To which I thought "Note to Self : Steal that line!"

Another co-worker, Pistachio, had taken his schmoozing and levels of shamelessness to new heights by often delivering his perfectly rehearsed "Yes ma'am, the 18% minimum service charge has been included, which is split up between the bartenders, busboys, food-runners, hostess staff and myself, but there's a line there for you to include additional gratuity if you thought the service was exceptional, and that would be all mine to keep. While it's of course not required, it is always appreciated." I don't know how he managed to spit all of that out of his big cheesy-mustached-toothy grin so regularly - and I almost can't believe he never got fired for such a spiel - but I can tell you that he did receive extra gratuity about three out four times he said it. Good luck trying that one out my fellow servers, and do so at your own risk.

My answer nowadays usually falls somewhere between the two, depending upon my read of the person asking, my own assessment of how well I served them, how I feel at the moment, and just how much self-respect I'm willing to sacrifice for a possible five or a hundred more dollars in "Additional Gratuity."

So these are the types of things we've invented as our own little "auto-replies" when asked. Of course we're hoping you don't ask, and now you know why we don't go out of our way usually to tell you that the tip has been included (unless the restaurant's policy requires us to - that's a different story). We're simply kind of hoping that today will be our special day. Multiple bad experiences over many years prior have made many of us jaded enough to where we don't feel even one bit bad about this. And I'm sorry for that, but hey times are tough; if you can afford to eat where I work, I'm just not that inclined to feel a lot of sympathy for your financial situation.

All of this of course is my "long answer" to the original question which I'm disclosing to you as my reader, but none of this is anything akin to what I'd tell you as my customer. If you were to look up and ask me as my customer "Why didn't you tell us the tip was included?" ... well, when that happens, for me, it's showtime.

First, I will attempt to let all of the blood rush from my face, in hopes of turning completely white in front of you, as my eyes grow wide. Then, I will appear genuinely shocked - hurt, even - at the question. (All of this in less than two seconds.) Then, regaining my composure, I summon my best Alfred the Butler impression and say simply ...

"Well... Sir ... (I cough, shake my still-reeling head a bit, and then lower my voice so that the neighbors won't hear how you're embarrassing yourself, and continue) "...At any place I've ever worked it's grounds for termination for me to mention the tip in ANY fashion. We're not permitted to bring up the topic with guests in any way. But the service charge is stated on the menu, and it's itemized again on your bill to make sure you know this. And I'm glad to answer any questions, but me bringing it up is in really poor taste, and might even get me fired."

Which usually shuts the ignoble savage right up.

The ones it doesn't shut up all say that same thing - "Well, I woulda tipped you more if you hadn't included the tip already." And you already know my answer to that one.

If you're new to this site feel free to catch up by reading Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 and Part 7 on tipping and auto-gratuity, and subscribe to this blog for the final installments.